The best mentors won’t find you - you have to find them.
How to ask someone to be your mentor (without feeling awkward):
1️⃣ Be clear and upfront about your goals
When reaching out, don’t beat around the bush. Share what you’re aiming for and the kind of help you’re looking for. Being transparent shows that you’re serious and makes it easier for them to decide how they can help.
Example: "I was recently promoted to senior engineer, and I would like to level up my systems architecture skills to take on more complex projects. Are you open to mentoring me in that area?"
2️⃣ Explain why you've chosen them
People appreciate knowing why you value their input. Share what specifically drew you to them—whether it’s their experience, skills, or insights. It’s flattering and shows that you’ve done your homework.
Example: "I am reaching out to you given your extensive experience leading engineering teams at high-growth startups, as I will be joining such an organization in the next 2 months."
3️⃣ Start with a smaller ask first
Instead of asking for a long-term commitment upfront, start with something more manageable—like a one-time conversation. Also, be flexible on the logistics. This lowers the barrier for them to say yes and allows both of you to assess if the mentorship dynamic works. Once there’s rapport, you can discuss extending the commitment.
Example: "Would you be open to a 30-minute video call to connect?"
4️⃣ Be understanding if they can't accept
Sometimes, no matter how great your request is, the person might simply not have the bandwidth. That’s okay! Be gracious and understanding—they’ll remember your professionalism.
Example: "I understand you have significant demands on your time. Please let me know either way."
5️⃣ Ask for alternative recommendations
If they can’t commit, their network could be your next big opportunity. Ask them if they know someone who might be a better fit. You’d be surprised how often this opens doors!
Example: "I totally understand and appreciate that you don't have the capacity for mentorship. Is there anyone you would recommend I connect with who can support me?"
6️⃣ Approach with confidence, respect, and gratitude
Don’t overthink it! Approach the conversation with confidence in your goals, respect for their time, and gratitude for their expertise. A thoughtful, genuine tone can go a long way (particularly in the age of AI).
Example: "I sincerely appreciate any guidance you can offer me during this pivotal time in my career."
Take the first step today towards engaging with your potential mentor and watch your career success story unfold.
