Stop asking questions as a leader,
At least until you learn how to ask them effectively.
Because the wrong question framing:
• Creates blame
• Shuts down creativity
• Triggers defensiveness
• Reinforces hierarchy
• Damages trust
I've watched countless leaders torpedo meetings with questions they thought were insightful:
Harmful: "Why haven't we considered X?"
Helpful: "What alternatives did you evaluate?"
Harmful: "Who's responsible for missing the deadline?"
Helpful: "What caused us to miss this deadline?"
Harmful: "Haven't you tried this approach before and failed?"
Helpful: "How does this approach differ from our previous attempts?"
Harmful: "Don't you think we should prioritize X instead?"
Helpful: "What's our mental model for prioritizing Y over X?"
What frustrates me is that these leaders believe they're just "asking good questions."
They're not.
They're making statements disguised as questions.
They're using questions as weapons instead of tools.
Your questions reveal more about your leadership than your statements ever will.
Your turn:
• Notice your question patterns in your next meeting
• Reframe one blame-oriented question into a learning-oriented one
• Watch how differently your team responds
PS: Always lean in with curiosity and assume good intent when asking.
